ABC Replaces The View With The Charlie Kirk Show, Hosted by Erika Kirk and Megyn Kelly: “It’s Done”

In what ABC executives are calling “the boldest network decision since canceling *ALF*,” *The View* has officially been retired. In its place: *The Charlie Kirk Show*, hosted by Kirk’s widow Erika Kirk and media veteran Megyn Kelly.

The announcement came in a three-word press release — *“It’s done. Finally.”* — celebrated by conservatives and mourned by liberals. The rest of America mostly muttered, “Wait, *The View* was still on?”

### Farewell to the Henhouse

For 27 years, *The View* was daytime’s loudest coffee klatch, where five women argued about everything from presidents to pineapple pizza. But after Whoopi Goldberg’s infamous “Angel-gate” remark about the late Charlie Kirk, ABC had enough. “It wasn’t even the remark,” admitted one exec. “It was the sighing. Those sighs were louder than the microphones.”

### Daytime’s New Patriotic Powerhouse

Debuting this week, *The Charlie Kirk Show* promises “less squawking, more saluting.” Erika opened the premiere beside a six-foot portrait of Charlie, declaring: *“He dreamed of a show where Joy Behar didn’t interrupt every sentence.”* Megyn Kelly, in a blinding red power suit, added: *“Think of this as *The View*, but without the cackling — and with better lighting.”*

Segments include:

* **The Kirk Commandments** — Erika reads Charlie’s tweets as scripture.
* **Megyn vs. America’s Enemies** — Kelly debates prerecorded clips of Democrats or Starbucks baristas.
* **Freedom Kitchen** — casseroles made “the Founding Fathers’ way” (extra Velveeta, no kale).
* **Patriot Karaoke** — Kid Rock belts *Born Free* as eagle-shaped fireworks explode.

The set? Less sofa, more glory. Hosts sit behind a Constitution-shaped desk, and commercial breaks end with a CGI bald eagle screeching louder than Joy Behar’s laugh.

### Reaction

Trump cheered: *“The View is FINISHED!!! Erika is WONDERFUL. Megyn is TOUGH. Big WIN!!!”* Elizabeth Warren quipped: *“It’s like replacing a library with a gun range.”* Trevor Noah joked: *“So ABC went from Whoopi sighing to Megyn Kelly screaming at a cardboard cutout of Joe Biden.”*

Meanwhile, *The View’s* ex-hosts plot revenge via a rumored podcast titled *The Screech Continues*.

ABC’s new tagline sums it up: *“No more hens. Just patriotism. It’s done.”*

**This is SATIRE. It’s Not True.**